Here's the thing.

If you head into the mall at 6:00 in the pm and it is still nice and slushy in the parking lot, and you end up spending a lot of time at said mall taking care of very important mall business, like eating Chinese-ish food and emailing yourself goofy pictures that you and your kids take while playing in the Apple Store, you may not notice that the temperature has dramatically dropped outside.

So you will head out of the mall around 9:00 blissfully unaware that conditions have changed. You will confidently and briskly walk into the parking lot, which has quietly frozen solid, and all of a sudden your life will turn into a cartoon.

It won’t be an elegant Dusty Tackle fall. No, oh no. Your arms and legs will be flailing. cue slow-mo You will hear your children's distorted screams of horror as you run in place, convulse in midair and crash to the ground. Your husband will drop to your aid on the asphalt and the people will gather and stare.

Your husband will then walk you to your car, holding your arm like you are his dear old granny, while your children nervously cheer you on and pray for traction. Your leg will hurt. Your ankle will hurt. Your hand will hurt. Your self-worth will hurt.

These are the things I have heard can happen if you head into a slushy mall and later leave a frozen mall.

It ain’t called black ice for nothin’, friends.