It's hee-re.

Today it hit our peaceful, happy, unsuspecting home. The stomach virus. The one that I bragged about to friends just last night that “we never get.” The second it showed up, Deleise vanished, and in her place appeared a super hero.

Fear not, citizens.

She is Sani-girl. Preventing the spread of illness by inhibiting the growth and action of microorganisms.

At the first sign of stomach virus, she instinctively jumps into action, wielding her disinfectant bottle and clearing the area of any potential contractors.

She fearlessly and mercilessly follows the victim around with Clorox wipes, swiping each doorknob and object he touches.

With her super-sensitive-germ-radar, she senses everything in the house that has had contact with the victim in the last 12 hours and saturates it in bleach, paying careful attention to surfaces such as keyboards and refrigerator handles that are often overlooked by rookies.

She threatens to bring harm to any living being who dares to go near the victim’s bathroom until it has been completely sanitized and decontaminated.

She flings open the windows of the house for adequate ventilation and release of the offending organisms she intends to destroy..

She prepares shot glasses of hand sanitizer for her other children to drink.

Not really. But the thought of it seems quite sensible to her.

She even cloroxes the Clorox bottle.

All of this while providing movies, drinks, sympathy (but not kisses), and plastic-bag lined trash cans for the victim.

Sure, she’s a little obsessive compulsive, and she tends to make the innocent victim feel a little like a leper, but she means well. And she produces good results, despite her possible need for counseling.

Beware viruses. You’ve met your match.

Sani-girl, OUT.